my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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