Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
