At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
