YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
