I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
