Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
