well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
