I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
