Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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