Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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