I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
