there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
