Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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