How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Found your dick twin last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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