You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
