the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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