True but thats because hes a fetus.
I faked an abortion last night.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
