I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
