I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
