My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
