I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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