You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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