at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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