I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
...so i touched it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
