oh god the rape fog is back!
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
