she was so not down for the gang bang
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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