Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
