I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
