i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
third nipple confirmed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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