What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
