im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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