i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize