I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
