I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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