You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
