if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
