He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
