Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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