I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize