i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
