i need an iv and a liver transplant
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
