Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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