Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
