i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
