I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
