Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
