I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
