didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
