I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
