just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
