the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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