Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
