can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
