how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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