So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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