My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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