we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Randomize