Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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