Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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