You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
