legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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