I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
