Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
