remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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