there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
