half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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